I wanna join a band and see the world!.........dumbass

So today Ive realized that I could write alot about many things and people and in due time I plan to ruin each and everyone one of your lives.

One by one

But for now Ill write about my current conversations with a new great friend I have that has toured and known many of the bands that I have as well, and we both came up to the funny things people seem to ask us and how the touring/band life is on the real.


Perception.
The the perception of being in a band and touring and how glorious it is to travel the world and play in front of hundreds/thousands of people receiving love and fame where ever you go getting the big bucks and recognition.

Truth: If you were to tell that to any touring musician that isnt oh idk ......drawing 5000 people in then im sure that life insurance your wife/husband is looking forward to is coming in alot sooner than expected.

yes i miss my husband so much, but did you see how nice this car is?

First off lets start off at the beginning
There are Major label bands, Indie bands, Unsigned bands, Jam Bands, Session Bands, Garage Bands and the famous "Lets start a band and go fucking nowhere with this shit!"

By now you can guess which ones my favorite

In the big picture of things Major label bands are paid pretty well and get alot of push but that doesnt really mean they have it all. Many rappers prove the point of singing about having: Money,sex, drugs, alcohol and soo maaaaaaannnnnnny women, or men we dont discriminate against anyone here, except you melissa i know your reading this. Truth is, 90% of the music you hear from alot of these people is not written or composed by them. How many times have you seen a great movie with the main character being a complete badass and then look at the director and writers and realize these people look and seem nothing remotely to a badass....more to just an ass.

 Could you imagine this guy as Darth Vader? Saaaaad trombone.

They grab someone like Brad Pitt, Natalie Portman, James Franco for the simple fact its marketable and not to say these people they hire are nowhere near talented its just a image to push the idea and what we as people will buy and feed into. Now there are many artists who write their own stuff that are big but unfortunately its like watching Terantino write, direct and act..........fucking horrible. So as they sing about much of these items and life styles they dont really have too much to go off of unless your  Lil' Wayne or Jay-Z, whom in most cases own their own establishments.

You ever why you see Crunk Juice, Rocka wear and all that crap everywhere ? because besides the fact its horrible crap and were stupid enough to buy it, its really the only way to make money. When you tour for a label they send you over seas, in a bus, then have to pay you, your band, your techs, production crew, sound crew, promotion, travel: Air fare, gas, maintenance etc...
So by the end of most tours if your J. Tim you'll just enough for that gun youll need to shoot yourself with after all the fine print.

So really your asking me, Hey Steeeeve what does this have to do with touring ?
well before your open your mouth........shut your mouth. This is my blog.

This ties into most bands of today, with the invention of social networking and file sharing it has become even harder than ever to sell music due to piracy and the fact most cassette tapes are non existent and burning cds last i check was pretty gay,

Thaaaaaaannnnnkkkks Ipoooooooooood!

So you have bands who even till today draw great crowds and play events like: The Vans Warped Tour, Taste of Chaos, The All-Stars tour, so on and so forth. But aside from those events alot of the time its not all that flashy you play with bands that have a huge lineup and think, "wow theres so many people here were gonna get so much exposure" but in reality after all is said and done you've sold a few cds and moved on back to reality and really your chances of exposure would have gone to greater heights if you would have been a little less day day dreamy

 and a little more "Im going to get arrested for this for sure, but Ill be in the papers"

majority of bands playing these days, with how horrible the music scene, if any, is go back to 9 - 5 jobs or to live at home with mom and dad because your really playing alot of small venues,bars or places that require you to hustle promotion even if you do have an agent. So by the end of the night you have to think about it, you get ready to go see this band play and so forth and have your whole day ready and planned out then you go, watch and then leave and hit up a Dennys.........dont act like you never have.

Thats your point of view and mode that you go through. Now look at what a band goes through

This is why we DONT leave the Easy-Bake Oven ON!

Driving state to state, town to town lets say an example of one venue/show I had to play and my friend came to watch and lets compare how our days panned out.

Her Day:
6am:   Woke up,Got ready went to work,
12pm: had lunch,
5pm:   finished work,
5:30    drove to store to get dinner for that night for band,
6pm    went home, showered, got ready
9pm    headed to venue.
typical day for any joe or jane shmoe who lives. Now

Our Day: (previous night)
11pm: Finish set and load out no time for mingling
5am:   In full gear about 6 hours in our trip from Providence RI, to Nashville TN
7am:   Flat tire
8 30:   Back on the Road with horrible fast food again
2pm:  Arrive in Nashville
2 45:  Still looking for venue/ venue parking
4pm:  Load in sound check/ set up
5 30:  grab food and eat check out whats around in a max of a few city blocks waiting for venue to open
6/7pm  Still killing time
9pm: Venue opens show starts/ wait till you play and then after playing you still have to converse and network and load all your crap out into the trailer by whats now
12/1pm: Fucking hating life

now take that and apply it by 40 dates which realistically doesnt mean in a row. A band usually only has about 4 days tops to really play out of the week and expect something of a crowd to show. Remember kids because you have alot of fans in your home town doesnt mean you mean shit in another town.
Thurs- Sunday are your days people go out and hit up bars clubs and places.....

unless your like uncle ronie..........you poor ol bastard

so every day you have off you have the faults of spending money and doing nothing half the time.
Now living in a van or so forth on tour with other people for months at a time is extremely a test of faith and friendship. Your cramped in a space of no bigger than normal van with the same people who dont get to shower or wash clothes much and are all having personal things go on in their life as well has bottles and food wrappers every fucking were. Now to get me wrong there are exceptions, My friend had mentioned (being the tech for Reel Big Fish) they have a super clean bus and so forth so its really how the band looks at going about things as a family and a business,

                          This is what you dream of .....                            

This is what you get.....hey whos flashlight is touching me!

To finish off for now on that last part about personal things remember that everyone has peeves and frustrations and with everyone getting on nerves and stepping on toes it shows you when you have to be a bigger person but honestly with how little money you make and so forth you ever notice on how many heartbreak, hurt, angry, happy, lust-full songs there are out there?

these people literally have to make a living being on the road movin and promoting their passion and music and pretty much lifes work, and that leaves little margin for family, friends and relationships. So really in the industry if your looking in being in a band its somewhat true but not always when you consider there are unique people out there its either you ruin your career or you ruin your life at any stage in your music you have to remember your not playing for musicians, your playing for radio friendly people who you have to assume dont understand music theory or " how bad ass you look with your bass swinging around" You have to be able to market yourself and think your no longer 15 in a punk band in a garage playing music, This is your lifes work and really there are people who play music and people who are musicians



and within these categories you have to distinguish your profession that what makes a great band? writing good songs and working extremely hard for what you want is definetly a key point but also is the fact that you need to know what is going to get you by and what is going to make you crash. How can i save for life and feed my family with out having to give up,No one can exceed their limitations without having first knowing what they are, Playing/touring in a paying band is a luxury job just like tattooing or rodeo clowns. But in and economy like this the first thing to go is luxury and hits us just as hard so when someone says I dont have the money to buy an album so ill download it and so forth, its the same, if you were an electrician, to have clients stop calling you and needing your services because they found a free way to get the same outcome of your service and now have passed it along to all your customers and now are flat broke.



All and all it is a great life thats hard if you have little responsibilities but is very hard at the same time and if your willing to take it then go get it but support those in your local and indie scenes and remember that when you look at someone who goes through this they have alot of things that factor into what they do and its not all sunshine and farts.

well ......half the time.